What has 106 legs and can't beat the lowly Kansas City Chiefs? Da Chicago Bears.
Lame joke –I know –but so was the overall effort and execution from Da Bears on Sunday. Even with Caleb Hanie under center, it was THE last write-in win for the season –in my humble opinion –and they lost. They lost at Soldier Field to a team who had not scored a touchdown in their last 31 possessions , before scoring one on a "Hail Mary" to end the second half, led by Tyler "Every ball I throw has a hump" Palko.
To get to the other side.
Hanie had himself a day. A very BAD day. Again. It was hard, but he found a way to do it: Caleb Hanie regressed. Are you familiar with the term "O-for"? Well, Captain Caleb led his crew to a flawless 0-11 on third down conversions. That's a spotless 0% for the folks keeping track at home. By the numbers, Hanie was 11-24 for 133 pitiful yards, along with three picks for an abysmal 23.8 quarterback rating.
After you take a big Caleb, be sure to wipe your Hanie.
Okay, Hanie was truly only responsible for one of his three interceptions when he under-threw Johnny Knox on a deep pass. Granted, Knox didn't do him any favors by not becoming a defender on a pass he knew he wasn't going to catch, but what else do you expect from a guy who has trouble keeping his feet and is constantly rounding and breaking off his routes? As far as the other INT's go, one was on a –well it wasn't quite a "Hail Mary" so we'll call it a "Glory Be" –to end the game. The other was when Da Bears' "number one receiver" Roy Williams dropped a potential "big brown thing" touchdown pass that was bobbled by a few defenders before being snatched for a turnover.
Lovie on the Williams drop: “Next time he'll make that play.” Um, Lovie, it's too late for that. You shouldn't have let Martz convince Jerry Angelo that Williams should be on your team.
That's what she said.
The offensive line wasn't exactly stellar either. Hanie was consistently under duress. The combination of the pressure the o-line was allowing the Chiefs to bring and Hanie holding on to the ball too long while utilizing his only move in scrambling to his right was, well, a joke. Kansas City had 13 sacks on the season before coming in to Chicago. They left with 20. To top it off, a missed block possibly led to the injury of the only hope they had left on offense –Matt Forte.
Rectum?! Damn near killed him!
Forte has a sprained MCL and he'll be out for 2-6 weeks. A sprain is a tear for those of you who like to play doctor at home. I feel bad for Forte. I really do. There's not that many teams who like to hand out $17M guaranteed contracts to fifth-year running backs with knees troubles. That $14M guaranteed he passed on this year probably sounds pretty good right about now. He's been very professional in his desire for a contract extension from Da Bears and even a cynic like me can feel his pain. But he took that risk. I just hope it doesn't severely hurt his livelihood.
This, again, all falls on GM Jerry Angelo and the low talent level of Da Bears team that he has assembled. You take away TWO players on this offense and they can't even play with an injury-plagued Chiefs team. I know they were their two most talented players, but that's not an excuse to lose at home to Shane Falco, I mean, Tyler Palko.
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!
But it does show us that Jay Cutler truly is a franchise quarterback and just how well he was playing before his thumb injury. He is phenomenal at alluding pressure by sliding or stepping up in the pocket. Do you have your notebook, Caleb? The Chiefs may have only had three sacks instead of the seven had Jay been the one escaping Mr. Houston –a bum who was on his way back to the Chiefs' practice squad before Sunday happened –and his three sacks. Cutler makes the receivers better and makes the o-line LOOK better.
So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
I was, again, foolishly expecting points from the special teams and/or defense. But Da Bears were out-Bear'd for a second week in a row. Devin Hester wasn't much of a factor. Has Dave Toub been telling him to actually catch the ball when he signals for a fair catch instead of letting it bounce and get downed inside the five and Devin has just been ignoring him? Probably. And the defense lost the turnover battle, again. (I'm starting to sound like Forrest Gump "And I went to see the Pres-i-dent of the U-nited States, a-Gain".)
Not only that, but before Palko lofted a pass to the end zone that fell into the arms of Dexter McCluster for their lone touchdown, that stout Bears defense allow him to conduct a 15 yard drive and score on the sixteenth. They gave up three third down conversions and a fourth down conversion on that possession. Tim Jennings dropped yet another interception that would have prevented the Chiefs' chance at a Hail Mary. (After every practice, the coaching staff needs to get out the JUGS machine and fire footballs at Jennings for 30 minutes to improve his hands. Then on the last one, hold his arms down for a free shot downstairs in the ol' engine room and let him know what it feels like to watch him give up take-aways every week.)
Everybody gets a clown nose.
THEN Palko drove down the field for another 15 plays, which led to a field goal in the third quarter. Ball game. Typical Bears defense as far as the bend but don't break goes, but it does them no good when they don't create enough turnovers. Keep in mind that this all happened AFTER Palko was yanked from the game by Todd Haley for Kyle "Neck-beard" Orton for his now infamous $2.5M snap.
Why the long face?
By the way, on the Hail Mary pass, sure it was a fluke for the Chiefs, but it was poor execution on the part of the Bears' defense too. Urlacher had the right idea by attempting to catch the ball at the highest point. But lurking behind him was Chris Conte who made a big no-no by swatting the ball back into the field of play. Knock it DOWN, not knock it back in, Chris. Then Craig Steltz was late on the play and didn't box-out McCluster. It was a stroke of luck, but Da Bears didn't have to stack the deck for them either.
The 10 points the Chiefs scored was the most points they've scored in five weeks. The three points Da Bears scored was the least amount of points they've scored in five weeks.
Bears fans, it's time to PANIC!
Orange ya glad I didn't say banana?
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